Thursday, November 28, 2013

لام۔گاف۔الف (LGO)، ٹوٹی سڑکیں اور پھوٹی قسمت۔۔۔ ہاۓ کراچی



عجب دن ہے آج کا صبح سے ہی محۃرمہ اہلیہ صاحبہ کے مزاج کچھ آثارِقیامت سے کم محسوس نہیں ہو رہے تھے تو ہم نےبند کمرے لمبی تان کے سونے میں ہی عافیت جانی۔۔۔۔ نیند تو بلا کی شاندار تھی مگر ساتھ ہی جاگنے کے بعد ہونے والے سلوک کا خوف بھی دل میں کہیں دور بہت دور خوب بھنگڑے ڈال رہاتھا۔۔ خیر اُسی خوف کے خوف سے آنکھ کھل ہی گئ۔۔۔ عادت سے مجبور سو کے اُٹھتے سب سے پہلے موباٴیل فون ہاتھ میں آیا اود جو پہلا بٹن دبا تو ہم جاپہنچے سیدھے تحریکِ انصاف کے دوستوں کی پسندیدە جگہ۔۔۔۔ سمجھ تو آپ حضرات گٴے ہی ہوں گے؟؟؟؟ ارے نہیں حضور آج پشاور اور خ۔پ۔خ کا زکر رکھا ہی نہیں ہےہم نے اپنے بلاگ میں اور اُسکی وجہ صرف اور صرف اپنی چرب زبان کواُن الفاظ سے دور رکھنا ہے جن میں پ۔ت۔ا (PTI) کے کچھ دوستوں کی گھر کی خواتین کا زکر کبھی کبھار آجایا کرتا ہے۔۔۔خیر تو جناب زکر تھاموباٴیل کے بٹن کا تو ہم جا پہنچے سیدھے ٹوٴیٹر (Twitter) پے اب یہاں جو منظر دیکھتے ہیں تو بس ایسا لگتا ہے کےبیوی کا خوف تو کہیں دور رە گیا اود ہر طرف بس اِک شور مچا ہےاورقریباً ہر دوسری ٹوٴیٹ (Tweet) اور ہیش ٹیگ (Hashtag) بس مذمت کر رہےہیں کسی لام۔گاف۔الف میرامطلب ہےکسی LGO نامی چیز کا۔۔۔ تفصیلات کے نہ جاننے تک تو گمان کچھ یوں ہی ہوا کہ ہماری اہلیہ محترمہ کسی طرح ہماری سب سے پُرسکون پناە گاە یعنی کے ٹوٴیٹر تک پہنچ چکی ہیں اور اب ان کے جلال سے ہمیں مردِآھن جنابِ شاہد حیات بھی نہیں بچا سکتے کیونکہ آپ جانتے ہوں یا نہ جانتے ہوں میں اِس حقیقت سے بخوبی واقف ہوں کے اِس ملک میں ٹوٴیٹر (Twitter) اور ہیش ٹیگ (Hashtag) کی وە طاقت ہے جس سےگزشتہ اگست میں ہونے والی بارشوں میں ایک سیاسی جماعت کے کچھ کارکنان گھر بیٹھے ہیش ٹیگ (Hashtag) کے زریعے کلفٹن ڈیفنس تو کُجا گلستانِ جوہر اور گلشنِ اقبال اور دور دراز علاقوں سے بھی پانی نکالتے نظر آۓ اُس پر غضب یہ کہ اُسی جماعت میں کام کرنے والے کچھ دندان ساز اپنے ان کارکنان کو اس عظیم کارنامہ پےداد دیتے پاۓ گۓ۔۔۔۔

دنیا نہ جانے کیوں ہمیں اتنا کمتر،کمزور، اور علم و ہنر سے عاری قوم سمجھتی ہےجب کے ہم تو سوشل میڈیا (Social Media) جیسی ایک فضول شہ جس پہ ہماری سرکار ہر گزرتے دن پابندی لگانے کے موقعے ڈھونڈتی ہے سے نکاسیِ آب جیسا کام گھر بیٹھے ہی کر گُزرتے ہیں اور پورا مغرب اور خلیج کے اپنے مسلمان ممالک اِس چھوٹے سے کام کے لیۓ بھاری بھرکم مشینری اور ٹیکنالوجی کےاستمعال سے باز نہیں آتے ہماری ترقی یافتہ سوچ کا عالم تو یہ ہے کےگزشتہ ہفتہ رواں ماە کی ٢٣ تاریخ کو پشاور میں ایک عظیم و الشان دھرنے کا اہتمام کیا گیا جسکا مقصد نیٹو سپلائ کی پاکستان میں بندش تھا۔۔۔۔۔ دھرنوں کے زریعے سرکار ٹاٴیپ آٴیٹمز کا دھڑن تخۃ کرنے کا سوچ رکھنے والی جماعت اور اُن کے اِتحادی کچھ جماعتی  اور شیخ صاحب پشاور میں دھرنے کے مقام پے پہنچ کے اُس وقت دنگ بلکہ دبنگ رە گۓ جب وہاں کچھ ہزار افراد کو ہی موجود پایا۔۔۔۔ اب سوال یہ تھا کے آیا اِس دھرنے کا بجٹ کم تھا یا پھر منتظمین اپنے کارکنوں یہ بتانا بھول گۓ تھے کے یہ دھرنا اصل میں پشاور میں ہے پ۔ت۔ا (PTI) کے دوستوں کی پسندیدە جگە ٹوٴیٹر (Twitter) پے نہیں اور نیٹو کے کنٹینرز بارش کا پانی نہیں جو گھر بیٹھے ہیش ٹیگز (Hashtags) کے زریعے روکے جا سکیں۔۔۔ 

خیر جناب قصہ مختصر یہ کہ جب ہم نے غور کیا تو اندازە ہوا کے یہ (LGO) مقامی حکومت سے متعلق کسی نۓ قانون کا معاملہ ہے۔۔۔ اب قانون کی سمجھ مجھ جیسے ایک کم عقل اور کم علم والے پاکستانی کوکہاں۔۔۔اگر قانون کی اتنی ہی سمجھ ہوتی تو چار دفعہ رانگ ساٴیڈ موٹر ساٴیکل چلا کے صحیح راستے آنے والے حضرات کی گاڑیوں سے نہ ہی کبھی ٹکراتا اور نہ ہی کبھی اُن حضرات سے جھگڑتا۔۔۔۔ یہ قانون تو بس اسمبلیوں میں بیٹھےکچھ حضرات اپنی روزی حلال کرنے کے لۓبنا تے ہیں اور ویسے بھی کوٴی صاحب کیا خوب فرما گۓ ہیں کہ "قانون تو بناٴے ہی جاتے ہیں توڑے جانے کےلۓ" جیسے کے ہماری سڑکیں، پُل اور انڈرپاس اب دیکھیے نا کیا حال بنا ہوا ہے اپنے اُسی کراچی کا جس پے کچھ دن پہلے تک ہی میں اور آپ کتنافخر کیا کرتے تھے۔۔۔۔ میں ایک عام شہری کی حیثیت سے نہ ہی جانتا ہوں نہ ہی جاننا چاہتا ہوں کہ LGO کِس بلا کا نام ہےمجھے تو غرض ہے تو بس اِس بات سے کہ میرے گھر تک آنے والی سڑک کب بنے گی، میرے محلے کے بہتے گٹر کب بند ہوں گے اور میرا منتخب نُماٴیندە کب سکیورٹی رسک نہیں بلکہ میری سکیورٹی کا ضامن ہوگا؟؟؟؟ مقامی حکومتوں کے انتخابات ہوں گے یا نہیں، آمریت آۓ گی یا جمہوریت رہے گی اِک عام شہری کو اِس سے فرق نہیں پڑتا اُسے تو چاہیے ہے اپنے مساٴیل کا حل جو اُسے کوئ بھی دے۔۔۔۔

آپ میں سے وە تمام لوگ جو ٨٠ کی دہائ میں اپنے ہوش و حواس میں تھے میری اِس بات سے مکمل اتفاق کریں گے کہ ایم کیو ایم (MQM) کے قاٴید جناب الطاف حسین صاحب "ہفتہِ صفائ" نامی ایک ایکٹیوٹی کیا کرتے تھے یہ سوچے بغیر کے اُن کی جماعت جسے وە ہمیشہ تحریک کہا کرتے تھے وە صوبائ حکومت کا حصہ ہے یا مقامی حکومت کا بس وە خود کھڑےہو کے اپنے کارکنوں کے ساتھ یہ شہر صاف کیاکرتے تھے مگر آج جب وہی جماعت ہیشٹیگ (Hashtag) کے زریعے LGO نامی کسی چیز کا راستہ روکنے کی کوشش اور پھر ایک پریس کانفرنس کےزریعے اِس کی مزمت کر تی تو کیا اتناکرنا ایک عام شہری کے مسا ٴیل کو حل کرنے کے لۓ کافی ہوتا ہے؟؟؟ کیا اک جماعت جس کا قاٴید الطاف حسین جیسا وژن رکھنے والا اک شخص ہو اُسے اپنے ووٹرز کے بنیادی مساٴیل سے یوں ہی غافل ہونا چاہیۓ؟؟؟ 

حضور قانون ضرور بنایۓ مگر کبھی اُس شہر اور اُس گلی کی خبر بھی لے لیجیۓ جسے کبھی آپ نے اور آپ کے بڑوں نے ہی بنایا تھا۔۔۔



Friday, November 8, 2013

"Papa Kehtay Thay Bara Naam Karay Ga"

Disclaimer: All the characters, events appearing in this Blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
(Means please don't shoot me if you find me anywhere) ;)


"Papa Kehtay Thay Bara Naam Karay Ga"



I wish my parents would have been sent me to a madrasah or to a molvi rather sending me to a modern school... It's not that I fantasize "bacha baazi" I mean for God sake stop presuming... I'm not that kind of a boy... It's just that since my childhood I wanted to be known, known like a celebrity like a star... I studied I strived I struggled and my struggle was way more than an usual one because I belong to the deprived middle class of Karachi.. However to fulfill my dreams I somehow became a part of Pakistani media. I started my career as a script writer back in 2002 and then got into media production, acting, direction, media management etc etc... After spending ten years in media and serving leading media houses I produced a documentary titled "Kingdom of Women", fortunately that documentary made its way to the leading world class film festivals including Emirates Film Festival and Festival De' Cannes and I hoisted national flag in more than 10 world renowned movie festivals... Year 2012 for me was a milestone of my career and I thought representing my country on international platforms and creating a positive image of my nation would give a boost to my career but I was actually living in the "fools' paradise" which is to some extent was absolutely right and this country is nevertheless... 



So coming back to the point if my dad would had send me to a madrasah or to a molvi in the beginning in like mid 80s I would have at least become a molvi and the thirst of being famous must have driven me to the right track.. After finishing my madrasah I would have been sent to jihad because as I have heard & read that in the 80s our country was producing and introducing jihadis, so I would had participated Afghan jihad backed and funded by USA against USSR, Kashmir Jihad against India (though India is my birth place but who cares if one is getting paid well) I must have visited Palestine, Israel, USA and I might have one of those who hit the twin towers on 9/11, and if none of that then I must have been killing Pakistani citizens, policemen, soldiers, army officers, knowing my intelligence and how my mind works I must say that I must have been a mastermind of any of the biggest plots like GHQ attack, Karsaz attack or maybe I would have been the one who shot Malala... I might be the one who was leading TTP Sawat chapter or might be the one who was just killed in a drone strike by US oh sorry I meant the martyred the martyred of peace the one who killed just a few thousand innocent Pakistanis... 



If I would have been one of them then I must had been either nominated as the new Head of TTP or might have been the one who's going to be next chief... In any case I would have been dead or alive I must be as famous as lady Gaga or Justin Biebe or may be more, the whole national & international media must be running news packages on my whole life.. My childhood, my youth, my early and higher education, my family, siblings and my kids must be enjoying the limelight... I must be trending the most on the social media.. All the national leaders would have been discussing either my death or my appointment as the new chief.. All the senior journalists, columnists and analysts must have been discussing me on the TV talk shows... Any of my statement would have been a guarantee of  high ratings of the local and international media.... Wow wow wow!!! 



It means hoisting the flag of your country, portraying a better image of your nation or representing a positive Pakistan doesn't make you a wealthy famous super star but it leaves you poor, unknown and jobless... I wish my parents would had thought at that time and pushed me to the "rightist path"... 


The writer may be followed on:
Twitter: Khan_Arsalan

Thursday, November 7, 2013

"From Kaafir e Azam to Shaheed e Drone"



From Kaafir e Azam to Shaheed e Drone
Neighbouring Bollywood celebrated the 100th birthday of their industry, wow what a nation they are, must have produced creative and skilled people like writers, directors, filmmakers, musicians, lyricists, actors, actresses and what not and what not... Oops sorry I'm praising a Hindu country's non-Islamic industry means for doing this I can be declared a Kaafir plus a RAW agent plus an Indianized writer (a newly introduced term) etc etc etc... Anyways so we were talking about how creative our next door neighbour is..... No don't underestimate ourselves, don't get into any kind of negativity and stop feeling like a complexed looser... We are more in fact much more creative than them... Trust me!!! Ok you won't???? You want me to make a point out of this whole argument??? Alright let's go to the flashback, come on!!! But before taking you back to your in fact our past let me tell you something really important and my whole argument of being more creative and innovative than anyone in this world will revolve around this and the thing is that people in this world produce ideas, stories, books, dramas, films and to produce all this they produce people and on the other hand we identify people individually or in the form of a group, write their stories from the beginning to the end, create a drama out of the whole story, film them and then title them... I know it's quite filmy way to make a point, I'm sorry I'm helpless, being a story writer and a filmmaker in making I have this problem, for me everything is quite filmy so let me explain you what I just meant to write...

Scene 1.
1941
Characters: All India Muslim League, Congress, Jamat e Islami, Majlis-e-Ahrar, Jamiat Ulema-e-Hind
Screenplay: All India Muslim League the construction company who constructed this country for us led by Mr. Jinnah............... No no not like that not scene by scene dialogue by dialogue... If we go frame by frame like this I'll end up writing a book not a blog so lets just recall events occurred since this country came into being in fact way before that... One more point you need to note here that Indian Film Industry came into being in 1913 and our creative and innovative skills were discovered in 1941 for the 1st time so we are decades younger than the neighbour in creating stories and producing innovative stuff... ;)

So once upon a time back in 1941 there was a man known as Maulana Abul A'la Maududi, (I hope I haven't made any spelling or punctuational mistakes while writing his name, otherwise I still have not forgotten Salman Taseer, Aasia Bibi and the Christian Teen Rimsha Masih) I hope the editor edits these lines and not let them through else I know if these lines hit any of the Maududi follower's balls oh I meant eyeballs & I will have to go through the consequences then... By the way the situation is drastically changed and now these kinds of lines don't only hurt Maududi followers but another party's workers & supporters too... I'm sorry by writing "Party" Here I didn't mean what you just interpreted.. Party means a political party, its a different story altogether that when that party's chief visited Britain during Ramzan ul Mubarak this year for some fund raiser or to meet Prince Charles we witnessed his photos having vine glass in his hands which was filled with some transparent liquid, may be water but I'm sure with none of any prohibited drinks because that guy (whose name I can't even write here because I'm not a writer of that caliber who can even think about writing the name of a great leader like him) heads a "Rightist Fundamental Revolutionary kind of a Political Party"... However will discuss the connection of these two parties some other time let's stick to the topic so in 1941 when the Pakistan movement was on peak and Mr. Jinnah & his All India Muslim League was busy struggling day and night to fetch a country, a group suddenly got formed in the leadership of Maulana Abul A'la Maududi and that group was named as Jamat e Islami... Jamat e Islami at that time was having serious differences with Mr. Jinnah & co. I won't get into those details that what were the differences because I don't want to bore you and want this article to ne as entertaining as it should be... So the entertaining fact is that  for the 1st time Maududi came up with his brilliant creative skills and he introduced a new fashion to the world of declaring Muslims either "non-Muslims, Kaafir or the Great Infidel" so to weaken Jinnah's effort to get a separate country the muslims outside AIML and supporters of three major religious groups Majlis-e-Ahrar, Jamiat Ulema-e-Hind and Jamat e Islami started calling Mr. Jinnah "Kaafir e Azam or the Great Infidel"... On the other hand AIML was actually representing or supported by all Shias, Sunnis, Ahmedi's Christians etc etc and this is one of the reasons why these three groups were upto AIML on the contrary the two groups Majlis e Ahrar and Jamiat e Ulema e Hind was backed by Congress and the anti Pakistan Muslims and the alliance of these three groups never wanted Pakistan to be created the way it happened, so Mr. Maududi initiated this tradition of declaring their political opponents Kaafirs or whatever they want and in that political tug of war he and his Jamat e Islami even didn't spare Quaid e Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah the founder of world's 1st Islamic State which came into being in the name of Islam based on Iqbal's two nation theory, the worst part was that to settle their personal political scores with Jinnah Jamat e Islami went to the extend to get help from Congress and of course declared a man Kaafir e Azam through a campaign backed and funded by the Congress... No wonder only Jamat e Islami and their allies could do that... So this trend started from there and it's still an on going process I still see a political party's supporters tweeting about trending I'm sure there must be some serious connection between these two parties one initiated a trend in 1941 and the other one is keeping the trend alive by carrying the trend forward on twitter as well in real life...

So the creativity & innovation which began long ago was carried forward by the 2nd and 3rd generations of Maududi followers.. Jamat e Islami must have decided in the very beginning that they will never disappoint and let down their ancestors and the mission Maulana Abul A'la Maududi started will be followed and accomplished, the true followers of Maududi must have committed to themselves that being the next generation they will keep identifying the true followers of Mr. Jinnah, write their stories from the beginning to the end, create a drama out of the whole story, film them and then title them... Title them as Kaafir, Blasphemer, RAW, KGB, Mossad and CIA agents no matter that true follower of Jinnah is named Benazir Bhutto, Altaf Hussain, Salman Taseer, Shahbaz Bhatti, Najam Sethi, Sana Bucha, Marvi Sirmed, You or me.... The list of these agents these Kaafirs are too long to be fit in here... 

I'm sure Maulana Abul A'la Maududi wherever he is must be looking at us, smiling from there and teasing Jinnah that see my followers are still after yours, the trend I started my followers and their allies are still following it, one of them sitting on TV screaming day and night declaring some people CIA & RAW agents and look at rest if my followers and their allies they are trending the trend I started from you Mr. Jinnah and the trends is touching the heights... Look at my other followers Mr. Jinnah, they are speaking my heart out and declaring  "Shaheed e Drone" one of the murderer, killer of your 50,000 followers and my other followers and their allies are again trending this and the level of this trend is way beyond you can even think Mr. Jinnah... 

You thought you conquered this battle and defeated me in 1947... No, no way!!!

Disclaimer: All the characters, events appearing in this Blog are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
(Means please don't shoot me if you find me anywhere) ;)
Twitter: Khan_Arsalan